Prologue:
This entry requires a bit of an explanation. The other night I found myself unable to sleep. I crept to the kitchen, made a cup of tea and scrolled through old e-mails and correspondences from when my mom was sick. I discovered that amidst the anxiety, fear and despair, we experienced some downright funny moments. This entry is a collection of various anecdotes recorded in e-mails during my mom's hospital stay. One of my good friends prayed that a rain shower of belly laughs would pour down on us and we would be soaked in the sounds of our own laughter. Her prayer was answered.
Chapter 1 - Subterranean Regions
As we continue our new routines of hospital shifts, cafeteria meals and making new friends (most of whom go by the title R.N.) our hospital banter has taken on a new low. We now discuss pooper scoopers and other topics of subterranean regions (see blog entry entitled "The Enema"......... I told you so). Furthermore, every time someone takes a pee we have a mini celebration. We are hoping my mom's kidneys will get jealous and want to join the party.
Chapter 2 - I.Q. stands for "I Quit!"
I now refer to the crosswords from the hospital gift shop as "The Dumb-ass Crosswords". The New York Times and L.A. Times Crosswords have been deemed "The Mensa Crosswords". I can only do the dumb-ass ones.
Chapter 3 - Politically Incorrect Moments
A family member, who will remain unidentified, was talking to the nurse and was trying to say that over the years my mom has morphed into a germaphobe. Unfortunately what came out was homophobe...... nice.
Chapter 4 - Get Out of the Gutter
The nurse asked us if we were, "having trouble with our little box"? She meant the i-touch my dad was playing with but I couldn't help feeling a little dirty.
Chapter 5 - And Then There Was This........
A family member was going to pay 99 cents to take "The Moron Test". Don't you think paying for it means you passed????
Chapter 6 - Reuniting with Wood
My aunt has a little boy made of wood and painted like a Christmas caroler. I realize that sentence right there could possibly be included on the moron test. His hair is curly and chestnut brown. His lips are forever forming a perfect O as if he is continuously oohing "Silent Night". I would like to formally introduce Chris (A.K.A. Mr. Marbles.....don't ask). He is festively dressed for the changing seasons and holidays of the year. I only mention this because......well........SHE HAS A WOODEN PERSON WHOM SHE DRESSES!!!!
Chapter 7 - Cafeteria Madness
We have all been having bouts of mania and depression. Luckily our highs and lows never seem to completely coincide so someone can always lift someone up or reel someone in. An unnamed relative had a manic episode yesterday in the hospital cafe. He/she had headphones on and was unwinding with some tunes. As he/she shuffled from counter to counter surveying the prepared food choices, he/she was a little too excited over some of the menu selections. At one point, his/her eyes grew as big as saucers, his/her mouth took on a Mr. Marbles shape and he/she made a B line for the salad counter yelling "JELLLLLOOOO!!!!!". Headphones were then banned from the cafeteria. And by the way, who likes Jello that much?? Is it even food?
Epilogue
I was surprised at how many funnies there can be in an otherwise un-funny situation. As always, my mom brought people together and boy could she laugh. She would laugh so hard her legs would be twisted like a pretzel trying to contain the escaping pee. If you're a yoga follower, she looked like she was attempting an "eagle" asana except for the being completely relaxed and zen part. She always peed when she laughed. Honest. She has a t-shirt that says so.
Appendix A
Mr. Marbles wears a size 4T.
Appendix B
We were all asked to squeeze his tush at dinner.
This entry requires a bit of an explanation. The other night I found myself unable to sleep. I crept to the kitchen, made a cup of tea and scrolled through old e-mails and correspondences from when my mom was sick. I discovered that amidst the anxiety, fear and despair, we experienced some downright funny moments. This entry is a collection of various anecdotes recorded in e-mails during my mom's hospital stay. One of my good friends prayed that a rain shower of belly laughs would pour down on us and we would be soaked in the sounds of our own laughter. Her prayer was answered.
Chapter 1 - Subterranean Regions
As we continue our new routines of hospital shifts, cafeteria meals and making new friends (most of whom go by the title R.N.) our hospital banter has taken on a new low. We now discuss pooper scoopers and other topics of subterranean regions (see blog entry entitled "The Enema"......... I told you so). Furthermore, every time someone takes a pee we have a mini celebration. We are hoping my mom's kidneys will get jealous and want to join the party.
Chapter 2 - I.Q. stands for "I Quit!"
I now refer to the crosswords from the hospital gift shop as "The Dumb-ass Crosswords". The New York Times and L.A. Times Crosswords have been deemed "The Mensa Crosswords". I can only do the dumb-ass ones.
Chapter 3 - Politically Incorrect Moments
A family member, who will remain unidentified, was talking to the nurse and was trying to say that over the years my mom has morphed into a germaphobe. Unfortunately what came out was homophobe...... nice.
Chapter 4 - Get Out of the Gutter
The nurse asked us if we were, "having trouble with our little box"? She meant the i-touch my dad was playing with but I couldn't help feeling a little dirty.
Chapter 5 - And Then There Was This........
A family member was going to pay 99 cents to take "The Moron Test". Don't you think paying for it means you passed????
Chapter 6 - Reuniting with Wood
My aunt has a little boy made of wood and painted like a Christmas caroler. I realize that sentence right there could possibly be included on the moron test. His hair is curly and chestnut brown. His lips are forever forming a perfect O as if he is continuously oohing "Silent Night". I would like to formally introduce Chris (A.K.A. Mr. Marbles.....don't ask). He is festively dressed for the changing seasons and holidays of the year. I only mention this because......well........SHE HAS A WOODEN PERSON WHOM SHE DRESSES!!!!
Chapter 7 - Cafeteria Madness
We have all been having bouts of mania and depression. Luckily our highs and lows never seem to completely coincide so someone can always lift someone up or reel someone in. An unnamed relative had a manic episode yesterday in the hospital cafe. He/she had headphones on and was unwinding with some tunes. As he/she shuffled from counter to counter surveying the prepared food choices, he/she was a little too excited over some of the menu selections. At one point, his/her eyes grew as big as saucers, his/her mouth took on a Mr. Marbles shape and he/she made a B line for the salad counter yelling "JELLLLLOOOO!!!!!". Headphones were then banned from the cafeteria. And by the way, who likes Jello that much?? Is it even food?
Epilogue
I was surprised at how many funnies there can be in an otherwise un-funny situation. As always, my mom brought people together and boy could she laugh. She would laugh so hard her legs would be twisted like a pretzel trying to contain the escaping pee. If you're a yoga follower, she looked like she was attempting an "eagle" asana except for the being completely relaxed and zen part. She always peed when she laughed. Honest. She has a t-shirt that says so.
Appendix A
Mr. Marbles wears a size 4T.
Appendix B
We were all asked to squeeze his tush at dinner.
No comments:
Post a Comment